Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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