I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Text me some of your sweat
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
