all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
