i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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