i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
