i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
