just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
