my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
