Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
