so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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