after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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