there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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