I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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