Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
