It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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