I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
