she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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