I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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