I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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