FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
