I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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