You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
