You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
