Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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