i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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