she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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