I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's blow job season.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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