two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
