im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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