I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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