I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
