so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
