Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
