It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
