uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
