I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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