try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
