Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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