That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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