are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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