i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
