She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
its liver damage thursday
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