based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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