thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
