Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
