one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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