He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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