Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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