Don't make out with my wife yet
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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