just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
