An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
