I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize