i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
