I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
