dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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