You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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