I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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