when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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