what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
