I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
