Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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